some unwind after the rewind.
I realise my blog has been quite superficial of late and I'm not really proud of myself. It's probably been 2 (relatively)wild weekends in terms of expenditure. Thus far I have been rather disappointed in terms of what the army has been doing to my brain. I can't come up with the ideas and thoughts I used to come up with periodically. I feel my blog drifting further and further away from what I originally intended it to be. Perhaps it's a gradual change in my thoughts and mentality(from existent to slowly disappearing). Maybe I shouldn't make posts like this anymore.
Something(I really have no idea what. It's the random factor coming into play. A little voice at the back of my head says "lost money". I tell it to shut up.) has caused me to think how much(little is the more appropriate word but "how much" is the term) I have actually achieved after living for almost 20 years. A few decent results in examinations, more than my fair share of poor results, nothing actually of note. My feelings now are rather mixed. On one hand, I think that I should be contented and not bother about what other people are doing. However, no man is an island, and the world waits for noone. If I don't make myself competitive, how am I to survive? I find myself forced into the mentality society wants me to have.
Does this happen to everyone on the transition to adulthood. Is money really the most important thing to have, more so than friends and family? It's not for me, but for many, the question could be much more complicated than it seems. Perhaps it is time to do something I haven't really done in a long time. Sit down, read, think. Even that might not be enough.
justin.
a little rewind.
Somewhere below, I said something about living like a beggar. Now it's imposed. No more fucking money left to spend.
justin.
please pass the f one.
The roaring of the engines. The bright lights. The feeling of raw power. The extremely expensive food. It all feels so surreal. But it's not!
justin.
and so he says.
"Ever get the feeling of being cheated? Good night." -Johnny Rotten.
on what is essentially the same thing.
Saturday started early for me. About 7.15am to be precise. After which I made my way to SSDC for my 2nd driving lesson, which didn't go too smoothly. After that football, then home. Typical Saturday it seemed. Then comes the drastic untypical part of this Saturday.
At 5.28pm, I rushed out from my house, desperately late, hoping to catch the 5.30pm shuttle bus to Orchard MRT. It was not to be. I saw the shuttle bus departing from Great World City as I stood powerless on the other side of the road. I checked the time. 5.30pm exactly. Since when was the shuttle bus so on time. And so began the longest 15 minutes of my life(which is actually an unneccessary exaggeration, since punctuality is not in my dictionary and I have actually gotten used to being extremely late). To make a long story short, the next bus arrived and I reached my destination. Late as usual.
But as some funny logic dictates that being late does not equate to not waiting, for there is bound to be someone later. And so that happened. When everyone had arrived, some 1 hour after the original meeting time, we set off to purchase a gift, which was to be a watch with a message to the world. "I AM NALD NALD BUNS" the watch proclaimed. Gift in hand, money in City Chains cash register, we went to Raffles City to meet the star of the day, the afforementioned "nald nald buns" which the watched had prophesied(actually we set the message). And like the Fellowship of the Ring, we set off for Chjimes on foot, a long an arduous journey through Raffles City and it's high-end shops.
At Chjimes, there was dinner at Carnivore, which served meat, which most would by now have realised since it was not likely that Carnivore is a vegetarian restaurant, unless the owner had an ironically wicked sense of humour. What most would by now have not realised was that I have already spent almost half my NS pay for the month, within 10 days of getting it(since I did not mention it until now). Back to the subject of meat consumption, we were close to being force fed in Carnivore, so much so we had to reject more slices of tempting roast sirloin and lamb and fish and whatever else they had to offer, because we were filled up to the oesophagus with various meats. In fact, there was enough meat to make me vegetarian for a long time. Of course my idea of vegetarian does not mean eating vegetables. It means eating the various crispy mysteries the vegetarian noodle shop has to offer.
And so once the bill was settled($85 each), we also settled down for an hour of saying lets go and not actually going anywhere. In the end, we all went home.
Sunday, I spent the remaining of my months pay and more, $78 for A7X, $30 which I have been owing Gillian for more than one year since Ronald's last birthday(which I honestly forgot until the event decided to come around again this year), and my weekly expenditure. Now's a good time to live like a beggar. We need more allowance.
justin.
stayin alive.
Tomorrow marks the last day of staying out in army. I'm feeling a little funny right now. Like there are some huge changes going on that I cannot see, but can only feel. Like a gradual change in heat, not felt until it gets too intense. I don't think its the staying in that really affects me but I don't really know what it is. Personally, I would definitely prefer to staying out. Who wouldn't? The feel of my butt cheeks on the familiar toilet seat is infinitely comforting. As is my own bed.
But is staying in such a bad thing that one would go all out to get a medical excuse for staying in? We get nights out, and are allowed to bring in comfort items such as television sets. Though it might not be as comfortable as my own toilet seat or bed, it is very decent by army standards. Granted other technicians get to stay out, but I wonder why we cannot just suck it up. It is after all the army, and not a chalet camp. I hear things like, "it's restricting our freedom."
Which will bring me to the point which I believe I have repeated so many times people would just stab my heart if I mention it again. I'll risk it. How free are we anyway? I do understand why people do not want to stay in, but if you're going to have to do it anyway, might as well do it happily. I shall stop before I cannot stop.
justin.
hello justin. welcome to the real world.
The world is treacherous. There are people out to get you at every turn. Sometimes, there isn't even a good reason they do it. But that is the world and I got to live with it. And get them back somehow.
justin.
sometimes i really wonder.
Is it really so difficult to play a game of football nowadays?
justin.
triangle.
Change is a word that is thrown about a lot nowadays. Everything one is unhappy with, they demand change. However, for every chance that the change could be for the better, there is an equal chance that the change could be for the worse. Thus change itself represents something of a risk.
Sometimes, when people demand change, they do not see both sides of the coin. As the saying goes, "the grass is always greener on the other side". This cliched saying proves to be inherent in society, which is probably why it has become a cliche in the first place. Which would mean cliches are almost always right, despite the sore lack of any originality. But I digress. As I was saying, when some people want change, they usually do not look at the negatives which could be brought about. After the change has occurred, there is usually the element of regret, some preferring the situation before the change.
On the other side of the fence are people who prefer continuity over change. These are the polar opposites of those who demand change, and usually only look at the negatives of change. (There is no case study because I like to generalise, rendering my statements unreliable.)
Perhaps a good solution would be to rationalise the effects of the change and then decide whether the risk is worth taking. Whether the change is major or minor has to be taken into consideration as well. Some people might not be able to handle change as well as they think. Sometimes, when one has already gotten use to the negatives of the current situation, putting them in an entirely new situation with different negatives could result in the need to readapt to the new situation, feeling out the negatives and demanding more change. As such, constant change results in instability, which is another problem altogether.
Stability and change can be said to have an inverse relationship, thus to strike the right balance is absolutely crucial if one has to push forward a change. A revolutionary change could have short term effects too hot to handle, resulting in chaos before the ultimate aim is achieved.
In short, change is something most people want, yet are not always able to handle. Gradual, small changes could perhaps be the best solution long term. Small change is always good, especially if there are vending machines in the vicinity. And if you don't manage your change properly, you end up with an unsightly bulge in your pocket.(A contribution from 2LT to be Kenneth "the sage" Fang)
justin.
sore thumb. 4 am, and the rain is falling.
Just now I was getting pretty angry at not being able to change the computer clock from the 24hour format to the 12hour format. Then after finding out how I could change it, I was extremely happy. Which appeared to be rather unwarranted emotions.
But who is to say the emotions are warranted? Who is the one to make the emotions warranted? Who one to judge another from his own perspective? Opinions formed from a singular perspective or even a supposedly balanced perspective might be flawed due to one not being able to view the full situation. Yet since humans are innately flawed, would a flawed perspective be justified? In that case, are civics and morals just the collective bias of a society?
In case anyone was wondering about the title(you shouldn't be anyway), I hurt my thumb. And it's pouring as I type.
justin.
just the think to get me thinging.
I read this off Aldric's blog and found it quite interesting. Please click on Aldric on the links down the right of the page to see the original post. So here goes.
It was rumored to be the most stable of empires. Nothing destroyed it.
Exactly. Nothing destroyed it. The perceived stability was merely an illusion of the empires peacefulness. Just because nothing came along to destroy the empire, does not mean the empire could not be destroyed.I'm thinking, but what I'm thinking is not coming out coherently. So I shall leave you guys to your own incoherent thoughts instead of messing up your own with mine, making it incoherenter. So SJ says that the Grimm brothers fairy tales in their original form are quite grim and twisted. Which makes for good reading. I never thought I'd say this, but I need books. Just the interesting ones thanks.
justin.
masterfool.
Sometimes I wonder if the only reason he's been there for so long, swimming in delusional power, is because he's being shunned by normal society. And forget Hollywood. Where I am is where the most masterful acting takes place. It's not fooling anyone though. Anyone could see through that lazy dog's old half-fucked tricks.
justin.
pretense.
Negative infinity to nine.
