fuck. the trap of procrastination is laid far and wide.
After declaring that I MUST finish my memo by Thursday, I felt proud for starting work so early. Then comes the realisation that it is already Saturday, my memo is undone, and here I am, still blogging instead of doing it. Seriously, WAKE UP!
do you ever feel...
Some(most) days, I don't even get up on time to catch daylight(because I sleep after sunrise). Some days when I do, I feel like going back to sleep. Today is one of those days. When 2pm feels like 5am(not really because at 5am I AM ALIVE!), and the warmth of my thin rag posing as a blanket beckons me, like a mothers bosom beckoning her beloved child. My bed is as hard as bricks(the softer kind, uh, yes FOAM BRICKS), but it appears to also possess the hugging power of a grizzly bear added together with a Russian wrestler not unlike Zangief from Street Fighter and The Big Show. And the holding power of a quick-swamp(something like a quicksand, but in a SWAMP!). Meaning I am helpless and cannot extricate myself from it.
As I sink deeper, worrying thoughts begin to form in my mind. Thoughts of my imminent (and figurative) death, thoughts of why and how gender inequity is perpetuated in the domestic arena, thoughts of Durkheim's thoughts on whatever subject happens to be in his mind, thoughts of how I can get large amounts of money in a short time, thoughts of uh... nothing because there are intermissions in my thoughts where my brain gets to rest, thoughts of you know, how with this weather, with a cup of coffee and a pack of cigarettes, with only my lamp on and me sitting in front of the laptop, I could make like a struggling author, crafting out his novel... ENOUGH!!
I realise how much time I'm wasting, talking about how I am unable to get out of bed, when obviously, typing this post, I AM already out of bed. Why am I such a filthy liar? And instead of wasting my time talking about how I am unable to get out of bed, I might as well either just get in it or get on with work.
No wonder I never get things done.
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On a totally unrelated note,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!
I should try to get home despite the weather.
justin.
here comes the rain.
It's been raining quite often recently, but today it's slightly different. Today the sky is totally pissing on the earth like it's been holding it in for hours. But of course it hasn't. Perhaps the sky has gotten old and its bladder controlling skills are deteriorating. But I digress. This weather is no doubt the best for sleeping. But taking naps in the day is perhaps just the thing we don't have time for, given that our main focus every semester, the finals, are mere weeks away. Deadlines are slowly making dead (or dying) people, and Bedok Resevoir has become sort of a rather convenient morgue. Of course, there's always after the finals to look forward to, but that's like promising a better place to go to after death(sensitive eh?). Some people do believe in that after all, and who am I to stop them?
The sky is not only the thing that is raining though. In a rather coincidental juxtaposition, it happens that it is pissing rain in many people's hearts as well, for various reasons I shall not delve too much into. Academic matters, matters of the heart
et cetera. I must say, this academic semester is not one (I want) to remember academically(it might be, but only because of how bad it is). It's been quite interesting, meeting new people in hall, getting pissed off for reasons old and new, spending money like that's what pissing down on us instead of water.
But the rain is good for one thing. That thing we don't have time for. No time? I'll make time for it(which makes me wonder why I can't do the same for studies[I know why but I am cheating myself]). Just one more thing. Cut the fucking double parentheses!
justin.
just a phase.
I seem to be going through this not-yet-but-soon-to-be-quarter-life crisis, where at the (relatively)tender age of 23, I'm thinking of the good ole(once again relatively) days, where I was young(still am) and innocent(definitely not so much). The good old days are actually just about 5 years ago, when I was in JC, and when I had a brain as yet untainted by cynicism, technical knowledge and other stuff I believe will get me through life more easily.*
Now, sitting here about 5 years later, I am rushing out(in my mind, by panicking) a presentation due tomorrow, preparing to study for a quiz on Tuesday, and lamenting the fact that my life is made up of many deadlines which I have to hand up shit(all quite relevant work actually) that I don't want to do because it would make me die a little bit inside each time I do a piece of work. I must emphasise that I am not exaggerating when I say that, because every time I attempt a piece of work, my heart pumps faster, my brain goes into overdrive, and my eyes throb with every heartbeat. Mostly because I attempt all the pieces of work at once, in the last minute. And every time this happens, I question myself. What am I trying to achieve? What are my dreams? I usually cannot answer, because by then, my mind would have wandered elsewhere, probably into One Piece, which I am desperately trying to catch up on, or just talking with people. Or even this blogging shit, which I haven't done in ages.
I hope this quarter-ish life crisis phase gets by real quick. Hopefully in another 5 minutes, because I really need to get my work done.
justin.
* I lied. Ok, I'm sorry but I lied. My brain was already tainted with shit like algebra and other math shit I can't remember. And P.E.
Once upon a time...
...all we had were words.
Now, all we have left are cynicism and cigarettes.
justin.
