just another distraction in life.
How funny it is, that sometimes a little alcohol can make one think so clearly. Was having a chat with ozy about the future since it is almost the end of the mainstream studying phase of my life. We both generally consented about business being the most viable option in the future. And my old rants about how the school system is not suitable for fostering creativity, is not closely connected with what I want to do in the future etc, I was pondering the thought of quitting school now.
Then I got a message from Mdm Goh about my copying of homework. I was definitely wrong to copy homework and I have to say my attitude in school this year is nothing short of shocking. I was feeling the stress of the common test and I must say the message sounded really serious. I had no idea copying of homework could have such deep underlying meanings like poor attitude in class. Still, even with the stress, I do not feel any motivation to work hard now. I understand that the school wants results and has whatever previous cases of last minute studying failing and stuff. BUT what counts is still the A Levels. Which I feel is useless anyway. A cert that leads to university entry if the results are good. If not, it is worse off than a diploma.
I feel like what I am doing right now is really meaningless. It is nothing more than studying and having to work my ass off for grades. Of course people take for granted that it is what everyone has to go through. But I feel JC is a redundant step. It's 2 extra years of secondary school that teaches more advanced secondary school subjects. I didn't use to think that way. Now I do. Perhaps it's really doing something that makes one realise what it really is. Like how if I go to work now I might suddenly feel different about studying.
Since I am already doing it, might as well get it done and over with. And done well. It is after all just another distraction in life. As if I wasn't distracted enough. If motivation was sold like packet drinks. I'd get some of it.
justin.
the thing about common tests.
I suddenly feel quite stressed about the common tests which are just around the corner. Of course, in my opinion, I believe common tests are nothing but a pain in the ass. They come all of a sudden and then threaten to show me how much I don't know. That's a good thing. But the consequences of finding out what I don't know is not a good thing. In fact, it's so not good, it's bad.
So I thought about why I should be so stressed if I had been diligently revising my Geography, Literaure, Economics, General Paper and Mathematics. However, I know I haven't been. Thus, I can easily say without the common tests that I know nothing. I don't need the common tests to tell me that. Can I be exempted from common tests then? NO.
The timing of the common tests couldn't have been better, coming from a bunch of people unable to manage time. The week after Chinese New Year. WOW. Like who the fuck will study over Chinese New Year unless they somehow are as passionate about studying as me about Liverpool. And people who fail any subject have to see Brother Paul Stalin. I predict maybe 2 months before he finishes seeing everyone.
And so I thought about how come I haven't been studying at all. And I couldn't see why nor how I shouldn't have been studying already. So I came to the conclusion I should start. So I opened my book and took a look, lost interest and closed it. So that's why.
Actually the case is not so bad for my H2 subjects. After all, I am tended towards humanities subjects. What gets on my nerves is H1 Maths. Why am I taking it? Because of the need for a contrasting subject. However, since I can make no head or tail of it, I was prepared to skip the A levels for it since I have A-Maths. Unfortunately, since it counts 10% of the A levels, I might just have to get a U on my certificate.
For now, I tell myself to study. Then I disobey myself. All thought no motivation, no action.
justin.
on the eve on chinese new years eve
We had some sort of celebration in school on Friday. It wasn't exactly a celebration. It was some sort of a performance which lasted for 1 hour. It was one of the worst Chinese New Year celebrations I had in school, other than that in school last year. Maybe it is because our principal happens to be an ang mor, who doesn't realise that Chinese New Year is a big event to Chinese. But less about that.
After years of complaining and fighting the so-called system, I have come to realise my folly. It is no use fighting the system because I realise that the problem might not lie with the system. After all, systems are put in place for a reason, which is to maintain order. The problem instead, lies with the people who are managing the system. I know the system is not perfect. But even if the system is perfect, the people who manage the system are flawed. They are probably the biggest flaw in any system.
Why do I say this? Because of the fact that people usually look to bend any rules and slightest flaws in the system to their own advantage. And when they push it too far, the system collapses. Take Communist Russia under at the end of its era. Another reason is a different interpretation of rules by different people. As such, the same set of rules could mean very different things to two people. If the authorities punish a person for doing something they interpret to be wrong while the person has a different interpretation, it's as good as punishing someone for doing something they do not believe to be wrong.
And why this sudden realisation? Because about 50 people were absent from school on Thursday with 10 from my class. And somehow the Stalin of CJC looked upon it as "boycott"
. WOW! Even those with the holy paper(MC) had to see him. But they could not do anything because some of us had the MC and they just wanted to scare us. If they did something, it would be going against their own rules because what is required for absenteeism is an MC. If they did punish those with MCs it would be as good as punishing someone because they were sick. A "flaw" in the system if i ever saw one.
As for those without, I do not know what might happen to them. But hooray for the flaw in the system.
justin.
some attention seeking ah...
I saw on my Windows Live Messenger, a nickname with something like "aimilub reigns" inside. If memory serves, that person is not exactly thin. If you have no idea what I am talking about, please anagram-ise "aimilub". If you don't know the meaning of anagram, I cannot help. I can't help but think this is an attention seeking action. Unless of course I read beyond just turning the word around and actually take the turning it around as part of the meaning. In that case, "aimilub" would mean opposite-bulimia, which means that person in question is binge-eating. Then I would not be that surprised. Then again who am I to comment. Self-esteem problems can be really serious. If not, there would not have been the Dove Self-esteem Fund.
I was discussing with Darren, how self-esteem is quite a problem to some people, especially if they happen not to be of the thick-skinned jokey people who know that insults that are traded between people are sometimes just meant to taken in a jokey manner(In my case at least). Then I decided not to think anymore because I am too lazy and let the low self-esteem people in my imagination fend for themselves in the imaginary world of my imagination.
justin.
無神論
無神論 - 黃立行
我希望 相信世界有 奇蹟出現
我想要 我們的童話 不只是瞬間
我希望今後都能快樂 永不分離
但我上不去天堂 我不能夠陪你
不存在一種永恆 不相信世界有神
死亡是不是終點 會停止想念
不能再親吻你的臉 不管我有多懷念
我真的希望我們快樂 永不分離
只有你能上天堂 我到不了那裡
不存在一種永恆 不相信世界有神
死亡是不是終點 會停止想念
不能再親吻你的臉 不管我有多懷念
只要想念沒改變 不管多遠 我會在你心裡面
死亡是不是終點 會停止想念
不能再親吻你的臉 不管我有多懷念
死亡是不是終點 會停止想念
不能再親吻你的臉 不管我有多懷念
