first night home.
Home somewhat takes some getting used to. I come home on weekends, but it's become some sort of temporary accommodation to me, where on Sunday nights, I head back off to godforsaken Pioneer and live with my brothers from different mothers. It's a little disconcerting, is the feeling of knowing I'll never go back there. The end of a chapter it seems. I was going through exchange photographs, and thinking of all my friends from hall who were in Europe at the same time, heading to various parts of the continent and having a ball of a time, coming back to Singapore and resuming the ball of a time. Then some of us left and there were some tears, but the other half remained. Now almost all of us have gone. And how I got to thinking about this was first and foremost hunger. I know I could always depend on someone to still be awake at this time and be game for a 7-11 burger. Now it's a little hard la. But that's life and everything's got to move on.
justin.
This is a strange one.
I'm sitting alone in the hall room that's more or less empty but for some necessities and a truckload of clothes waiting to be donated. And it's the second last night I'm gonna crash on my dirty mattress by the window, waiting for a loud and unfriendly "BREAKFAST!!!" at 9 in the morning, with the abrupt opening of the door, and the sun's rays attacking my eyes like a thousand needles that have caught fire. So I will say "FUCK SO EARLY???!!" (or at least I think that's what I'm muttering. People usually say it's just some groaning) but I'll wake up anyway for some mediocre Canteen breakfast, where usually about 6 but sometimes more of us will sit there, talking about everything under the sun, and playing with our handphones. It's a comfortable friendship this, although sometimes lacking in privacy, and I can't say I won't miss it. The freedom of staying with some of your best friends, doing whatever the hell pleases you. Sharing a midnight beer or cigarette when we're down to the last one. Sitting around on free furniture in circles and talking serious stuff.
Tomorrow will be the farewell/move out of hall/I'm ready to fuck off BBQ aka Hell-on-earth (the event is known as such because we all agree all of us will be neighbours again in hell. No doubt.) It will be the last night of decadence, or rather just chill beer drinking, the last night to break out the inflatable pool, the last night we ever stay next to a bunch of assholes who are not our friends (the assholes being every single person other than ourself), and yet smoke shisha together, watch TV together, study together and generally make one another have a harder life. (because hey, a smooth sailing life is one not worth living. Inspiration comes from hardship ok?)
In any case, it's good that we'll keep meeting up after we graduate, and I'll be seeing a whole bunch of them during grad trip. Whatever it is, it's been a good 3.5 years.
wow it's real now huh?
After the initial ecstasy of walking out of my last paper early, the question has changed from "when can I grad?" to "now what?". The university phase of my life is all but over, and I have to move my shit out of hall by the 15th. That's when it might hit. It does have a certain sense of inevitability about it. As I type, my friends are going off to finish their last paper ever, and I'm sitting here on my own. And I thought this. Bumming is no fun when you are allowed to bum. I think part of the joy of bumming comes from putting off something that needs to be done, and it's the very act of not doing it that makes it all worth it. Not really worth it when you look at the amount of shit that you need to make up for, but you know. Anyway, it's time to be settling stuff for grad trip, meet ups with people and all that shit people do when something ends. Really looking forward to grad trip and being in debt.
