band of bros.
Went to hang out with the guys just now. It's probably the last time Ronald and I are going to see Boris for a long time. The feeling is quite unexplainable. Not unlike that day when we sent Kenneth off at the airport. And it's not too pleasant.
justin.
a break from the routine.
Yesterday was the first time in ages I slept in a bed at night. Having finished work on Tuesday, it seems like the holidays are here(for about a month anyway). I feel a little relief, but a little strange, not having anything to do at night(not that we had much to do at work). Late night talk cock and smoking sessions have been cut. It doesn't seem so much a job, unless they pay people to relax and smoke. I don't know how to continue or end. So that is that.
justin.
not so helpful.
Today, I was waiting for my bus at YMCA opposite the Cathay when a couple of tourists asked for directions to Jurong Birdpark. I was not sure of the directions so I tried to get them to take the MRT to Jurong East or somewhere near there, so it would probably be alot easier to navigate. As I was explaining to them, my bus arrived. I wanted to tell them to board the bus with me to get to Redhill station, but in the end, due to miscommunication(I think), they thought I was saying that my bus was here and that I had to go. So I boarded the bus and left.
On the bus, I wondered if helping them out and missing just that bus was actually the thing I should have done. Considering everything, I wouldn't have much to do reaching home 15 minutes earlier anyway, so it wasn't that big a loss. And they would have had some help. I certainly wouldn't like someone I was asking a question to board a bus midway through his explanation. Perhaps, courtesy campaigns are for people like me, who think of themselves ahead of others, unwilling to sacrifice even a little bit of his own time to help someone who needs it. Not feeling too proud now.
justin.
meanwhile the mice endure the wheel.
I went to have my contact lenses prescribed today. My grandmother has been to the same optician for more than 10 years, so I went there as well. I had my eyes checked and there was no change in the severity of my short sightedness. My brother was there as well, having missed school, and somehow, we went into the topic of this strange thing called life. What the optician said struck me. He said he only woke up when he was 27. He didn't like to work, and loved to enjoy himself. But there comes a time, when you realise your dreams are just that and that you have to join in the rat race, just to feed yourself. It seems like a harsh reality, but honestly(and sadly), I think he's right. Perhaps there is a lack of risk taking mentality, perhaps the price to pay for risk taking in Singapore is too big for people to be willing to take the first step. So the next best thing is to follow the masses, and swim with the current. Or perhaps I am too short sighted to see what's really good.
justin.
buried alive.
Take the time just to listen
When the voices screaming are much too loud.
Take a look in the distance
Try to see it all
Chances are that ya might find
That we share a common discomfort now
I feel I'm walking a fine line
Tell me only if it's real
Still I'm on my way (on and on it goes)
Vacant hope to take.
HEY!
I can't live here for another day!
Darkness has kept the light concealed
Grim as ever
Hold on to faith as I dig another grave
Meanwhile the mice endure the wheel
Real as ever
And it seems I've been buried alive
I walk the fields through the fire
Taking steps until I found solid ground
Followed dreams reaching higher
Couldn't survive the fall
Much has changed since the last time
And I feel a little less certain now
You know I jumped at the first sign
Tell me only if it's real
Memories seem to fade (on and on it goes)
Wash my view away
HEY
I can't live here for another day!
Darkness has kept the light concealed
Grim as ever
Hold on to faith as I dig another grave
Meanwhile the mice endure the wheel
Real as ever
And I'm chained like a slave
Trapped in the dark
slammed on the lock
Death calls my name
And it seems I've been buried alive
Take you down now
Burn it all out
Throw you all around
Get your fuckin' hands off me
What's it feel like
Took the wrong route
Watch it fall apart
Now you're knockin' at the wrong gate
For you to pay the toll
A price for you alone
The only deal you'll find
I'll gladly take your soul
While it seems sick
Sober up quick
Psycho lunatic
Crushing you with hands of fate
Shame to find out
When it's too late
But you're all the same
Trapped inside inferno awaits
Evil thoughts can hide
I'll help release the mind
I'll peel away the skin
Release the dark within
This is now your life
Strike you from the light
This is now your life
Die buried alive
This is now your life (What's it feel like)
Strike you from the light (Let me dig in your soul)
This is now your life (What's it feel like)
Die buried alive (Let me dig in your soul)
This is now your life
Die buried alive
diarrhoea.
I wanted to do a piece to you know, just exercise the literary side of my brain. But its kinda lazy now so I'll do it soon. If ever.
departure.
We went to the airport yesterday to send Kenneth off. He was going to study in Australia. There were smiles and jokes all around, trying to mask the somewhat sombre atmosphere. We all joked about giving him all our money so that he need not leave, but hidden behind every jest, is a truth nobody dares to speak of. We are all men, and we do not talk of our emotions openly. But when the time came for him to leave, most tried to fight back the tears. Some managed to, some failed. But perhaps, this is the thing that can make a grown man weep. Not blood. Not sweat. But a brother, whom has been in your life for so many years, suddenly being not in your life(physically) anymore. I know he's not gone for good, but 4 years is a long time. Johnson had better get married soon.
