INSTEP part 0
Got an acceptance from Linkoping. Now for the tedious amount of administrative bullshit to go through. And of course matching up the courses. And the loan coming through. And of course there's this semester to get through.
justin.
uh wait what?
So yet again, I find myself behind time, not just in studies, but literally. Technically, it's still Chinese New Year, but otherwise, not really, no. The semester has started good and proper(for other people anyway), and IHG has well and truly kicked off(since quite long ago. Remember what I said about being behind time?) Anyway, to sum up a truly crap-tastic week, we lost the softball game 9-7(fuck), CNY was spent sleeping until 4pm, so it felt like a normal weekend anyway, had my first waterpolo game, and inevitably, the first glaring mistake. Had my first quiz already. And this is already my fourth semester in University. Damn does time fly.
justin.
wow it's only been a week.
Strange how I always choose to come back here on nights when I'm supposed to be home but instead have my ass stuck firmly on my chair in hall. Last weeks post was odd, so I suppose I should try to unodden this weeks. Except the only thing I am certain of is the total lack of any inspiration to write anything other than odd stuff, which might not seem so odd anyway. More pointless than odd really. Jon is in tonight, so there's sort of company, but at 2am in the morning, it's normal to be minding our own business anyway. The computer screen is more alluring than one might choose to believe. Softball game tomorrow, and I'm thinking about it more than I should. Maybe it's time to stop thinking and do something really productive. Like guiding my virtual football team to glory.
justin.
not so bad.
It's Saturday night, and I'm all alone in my room in hall. The rain is pouring down relentlessly, with a fury not seen since I forged a report book signature some eight years ago. At this rate, we don't need umbrellas. We need an ark. A quiet rumble rolls in the distance. Is it thunder? A second listen proves conclusive. It is the stomach, growling in hunger, rather nearer. Food is at hand, but needs preparation. Besides, the layer of fat around my waist dictates that I do not consume anything at unearthly hours. As such, my eyes scan the area around the desk. The fingers move to an oblong cardboard container, and removes a single white roll from within. A spark, a flicker, a flame, a long, deep breath, and a thin wisp of smoke, rising into the falling raindrops. I remember, some time ago, when I said our life was merely like a cigarette, starting to die from the moment we ignite. Each breath we take, we die a little more, a little bit of us rising up into the air, like the cigarette smoke. That should stave off my hunger for a bit. An email comes in. I have company. New homework, new notes to read. Bad company.
And while it all seems rather bleak and miserable at the moment, it isn't. The heavy rain eases off a little. While there is still no sunshine (obviously, it's at night), the whoosh slows down to a calming pitter-patter. The smell of the rain does not catch my nose, because all I smell is burnt tobacco leaves. It seems like a perfect time to lie down, turn of the lights, and let my mind wander. For that is where the most ingenious ideas surface from the subconscious, exciting your senses. It is not something one can possess, for they, elusive as smoke, disappear when you try to hold it in your hands. And these ideas are wonderful, they are magical, as bleak as the real world might be. It is the best drug of all, are these ideas, from the state of the semiconscious. A little noise jolts me out of this verbal(visual?) diarrhoea, suggesting I end this entry and stop pretending to be philosophical. Because when I read this again tomorrow, I might be wanting to stab my own eyes out with a fork.
justin.
frenemy.
I think I know how it's like. Nonetheless, it's just good, clean fun. I hope.
can't wait to reach the end.
It's 2012. The supposed beginning of the end. And I begin this beginning, with a (most uncommon) case of the common cold (where which I believe I would pass away from[I know I say this many times, but this time it's REAL]), as well as severe hypochondria. And as we step into this new year, we will no doubt come across the term "resolutions". Some use it, some hate those who use it, nobody actually fulfills it, and I don't concern myself with it. I say this only because just yesterday (or last year) I said, "I am never going to step into a fucking cab in my life." And today I did. So that's done and dusted.
So I'll just pose a question to anyone who reads this. If the world was really to end in 2012, would there be any regrets with the life you have lived thus far?
As far as I am concerned, yes. There is no doubt, I'm having a very good life as it is. I have my family, my friends, a roof over my head, and few financial difficulties(mostly due to wants rather than needs). I am happy with my part. Where does the regret come in then? Having achieved nothing to repay my families love, and make them proud of me. And if the world did end in 2012, I wouldn't have had enough time(or so I believe) to take the slow track to a job after graduating, and finally actually supporting myself and helping out with the household expenses. It probably seems easy enough to achieve, but my lazy ass seems to be a big obstacle.
And I believe I have been spending way too much time in hall, to the point where I neglect my family. Home has become some sort of resort for me, where I don't help out at all, and wait for people to serve me. If there was one word to describe how I feel about this on hindsight, it would be shame. At the not-so-tender age of 23, behaving like a fucking child is not something to be proud of. I'd like to change that, starting now.
As it is, we start dying the moment we were born. It's a process of slow death, every digit of the digital watch ticking your life away, the hands of every timepiece shearing your life, bit by bit. It probably seems rather morbid at the moment, but if this was to be my last post(because as mentioned above, I think I am dying), I want it to be written with some flair. Whatever flair-ish thing I wrote above was inspired(and mostly copied) from Dean Koontz's books, which I am kind of lazy to refer to right now. But anyway, if 2012 really turns out to be the last year for everyone, however unlikely it is, then we should all use this year to try and make your life one with less (I'm not optimistic enough to say no) regrets.
Veering slightly off topic here(like a drunk driver), I look back upon the archives, and realise I have had this blog going on for some time now. Suddenly, I wonder why I did it. It's kind of like some sort of mark, however small, I wish my existence has made to this world. It's essentially the story of my life(inside my head), from when I started blogging. I want to tell it to someone, anyone, before there's no one left to tell. I hope it isn't as boring as a Physics textbook.
If there were any last words, presuming this is my last post(hypochondria at work here), I'd say Thank You, to each and everyone who has been a part of my life thus far. It's been a fairly tame ride I suppose, but tame rides are more comfortable!
Okay, really last words here. Happy New Year!
justin.
