you just know it.
Sometimes, I think of all the bad things I like to say(on purpose or not, in jest or in all seriousness) and whether karma will strike. Today was just one of those days I felt that perhaps I talk too much bullshit for my own good. All was fine and dandy(except for the fact that I was only able to breathe through my mouth), and I was having fun making fun of generally the whole world(without being too polite).
That was until suddenly, amidst all the fun, I decided to mount a vehicle from the front, which isn't the most difficult thing to do in the world, and decidedly easier than things like trying to climb Mt. Everest, swim across the Atlantic Ocean, or telling your mother you were the one who broke her favourite china set while playing football at home. Until you consider the fact that I'm probably not the most agile guy you've ever seen. I'm probably as clumsy as a refrigerator. Refrigerators are inanimate objects, and do not own anything vaguely resembling limbs for them to move about. In fact, if they DID own anything vaguely resembling limbs they might be the most agile piece of kitchen equipment you've ever seen. But I digress. So let us all assume refrigerators are clumsy and I'm as clumsy as they are.
I proceeded to smash my knee against the sharpest angle of the hull of the vehicle, causing extreme distress to myself and extreme joy(I can't be sure of their emotions but they were laughing pretty hard) to those around me. So perhaps that was the karma for me talking about causing violence to others. Violence occurs. On me. I'm sure laughing at Matthew's knee didn't have anything to do with this.
Also, the zipper on my jeans decided to give way all of a sudden, leaving me with an open fly. I'm sure I didn't make any snide remarks on anyone not zipping their fly so perhaps it's just a little bad luck.
__________________________________________________
On another note, if one wants to blow up a matter(whatever it is), it is imperative to get one's facts right, as well as control one's temper properly. Also, be sure that there is someone on your side because majority wins no matter how right(in this case it was pretty wrong) the minority is. Make sure the guy you think is on your side doesn't hate your guts as well because if so, everyone(myself included) will be laughing as hard as when I decided to smash my knee against the vehicle. In case anyone thinks I'm on anyone elses side on this matter, the only side I'm with is the funny side.
justin.
lost in translation. (I'm pretty sure I had a title like this sometime back)
伟大和伪装 灰尘或辉煌
Greatness or pretense. Dust or glory.
Somehow this comes out much more poignant in Mandarin, where there is pun and wordplay at work. Translation somehow just sucks so much out of the actual meaning. English just seems so shallow at times. Anyway that was just a phrase out of a song. The whole song has plenty of these but that phrase just caught my eye.
justin.
it never really goes away does it?
"Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so."
-John Donne (Holy Sonnets: X)
He sits silently there, casting his gaze over the subject. The subject, weak and feeble glances up and makes eye contact with him, or rather with the inky blackness which their eyes perceive. The subject nods knowingly, that his time, if it was his to claim in the first place, was up. As soul seperates from the now lifeless body, the soul of the subject looks at him, not fearfully but quizically, as if to say "What now?" He truly did not know.
He came to release them from their shackles of mortality, of life and all that they have come to know in this world. He was their passageway to the next. Death he knew, and understood very well, was not the end of life, but the exit from which one passes on from life as normal people knew, to one which they did not understand. And when they exit, they leave everything that shackles them behind. Their family and friends, their assets, pain and pleasure. All they are allowed to bring is the memories of the times shared with loved ones, kept forever in the heart. He knew all these, knowledge not readily available to the common person from encyclopedias.
Which was probably why they were so frightened of him. They did not understand. They painted him in various forms in which they thought he appeared(which were readily available to the common person via various mediums). Of course he didn't really have a form in which they could see. He just appeared to them the way they expected his appearance to be. Which was commonly in the form of a hooded figure, either with a skull face or none at all, holding a long scythe, a pair of creatures with the head of a bull and a horse. Of course people didn't see him at all most of the time. Thus mostly he was formless, silently observing his charges of the day in the darkest corner of the room.
Mostly, he was explaining to his charges that he wasn't the cause of their exit from the world as they knew, but rather just a messenger and a guide, to bring them to what held for them in the next. It was rather much harder to do it without speaking but somehow they understood. Maybe death also brings about understanding beyond normal human comprehension. He didn't know what happened to his charges when they moved on. It wasn't his responsibility. His role was one in limbo between one world and another, never truly belonging anywhere. He just moves around in the darkest shadows, bringing news of freedom to the soon-to-die. He might be busy somewhere else at the moment, but he never really goes away.
justin.
the voice of Mother Nature.
"The quiet of these birds was eerie and disturbing, not because I believed they were gathering to peck me to pieces in an homage to the Hitchcock film, but because this sounded too much like the brief but deep stillness that often settles upon the natural world in the wake of sudden violence. When a coyote catches a rabbit and snaps its spine or when a fox bites into a mouse and shakes it to death, the dying cry of the prey, even if nearly inaudible, brings a hush to the immediate area. Though mother nature is beautiful, generous and comforting, she is also bloodthirsty. The never-ending holocaust over which she presides is one aspect of her that isn't photographed for wall calendars or dwelt upon at loving length in Sierra Club publications. Every field in her domain is a killing field, so in the immediate wake of violence, her multitudinous children often fall silent, either because they have an instinctive reverence for the natural law under which they exist--or because they are reminded of the old girl's murderous personality and hope to avoid being the next object of her attention." -Christopher Snow (Dean Koontz, Seize the Night)
justin.
夜访吸血鬼 [a late night visit from a vampire]
This is a new Mayday song that I find it impossible not to translate and share the beauty of the lyrics with. It's written from the perspective of a vampire and it's rather interesting but I'd let the lyrics and translations(I hope[after reading them they really don't do the lyrics any justice. total lack of beautiful language]) do themselves justice. The beauty of it in mandarin lies in the lyrics actually rhyming.
夜访吸血鬼
满怀忧伤却流不出泪 (I'm filled with sadness yet no tears flow)
极度的疲惫却不能入睡 (Extremely tired yet I can't sleep)
只能够日日夜夜 然后又日日夜夜 无尽的日日夜夜 永远的深陷在人间
( I can only be trapped in the mortal world eternally through the endless day and night)
我是蝙蝠却不能飞 (I am a bat, but I can't fly)
困在日复一日的街 (Trapped in the streets day after day)
无止尽的狩猎 彷佛一种天谴 (Hunting without respite like a scourge)
夜色就是我的披肩 (The colour of the night is my cape)
日出就是我的风险 (The sunrise is my risk)
舞池里的狂颠 是我宿命之约 (The madness of the dance floor is my contract with fate)
上帝遗弃我们(God has abandoned us)
却又要给 黯淡的月 照亮世界(Yet he lets the the pale moon illuminate the world)
要我们无尽又无情的繁衍 (Expecting us to multiply for eternity without feeling)
看爱过的人 一一告别(I see the ones I loved bid farewell one by one)
做过的梦 一一凋谢( And the dreams I had wither one by one)
只留下我独自残喘的千年 (Leaving me breathing my last breath for millenniums, alone)
无法挥舞天使的纯洁(Unable to wield the purity of angels)
也无法拥有魔鬼的果决 (Nor the resoluteness of demons)
只有像每个人类(I can only be like every human)
贪嗔痴傻和愚昧(Angry, corrupt and ignorant)
找寻著体温和血 找寻著同类 (Looking for body warmth, fresh blood and my own kind)
满怀忧伤却流不出泪 (I'm filled with sadness yet no tears flow)
极度的疲惫却不能入睡 (Extremely tired yet I can't sleep)
只能够日日夜夜 然后又日日夜夜 无尽的日日夜夜 永远的深陷在人间
( I can only be trapped in the mortal world eternally through the endless day and night)
饥饿是最好的调味(Starvation is the best seasoning)
孤独是最强的催眠(Loneliness is the best hypnotism)
疯狂找一双唇 能够当我酒杯 (Desperately and madly looking for a pair of lips to be my wineglass)
早就对这一切厌倦(I've already been sick and tired of all this for a long time)
也曾愤怒喝下圣水(I've swallowed holy water in a fit of anger)
却又无助醒在 下个漫长黑夜 (Yet I helplessly woke up the next long, lonely night)
青春遗忘我们(Youth has abandoned us)
却又要给 回忆的美(Yet it lets the beauty of memory)
就像玫瑰(Like a rose)
要余生流血又流泪的受虐 (Torment us by making us tear and bleed for the remaining of our lives)
看镜中的脸 慢慢枯萎(See the face in the mirror slowly withering)
高举的拳 渐渐粉碎(The raised fist crumbling into powder)
只留下来了无限唏嘘的相片 (Leaving only endless sad photographs)
无法挥舞天使的纯洁(Unable to wield the purity of angels)
也无法拥有魔鬼的果决 (Nor the resoluteness of demons)
只有像每个人类(I can only be like every human)
贪嗔痴傻和愚昧(Angry, corrupt and ignorant)
找寻著体温和血 找寻著同类 (Looking for body warmth, fresh blood and my own kind)
满怀忧伤却流不出泪 (I'm filled with sadness yet no tears flow)
极度的疲惫却不能入睡 (Extremely tired yet I can't sleep)
只能够日日夜夜 然后又日日夜夜 无尽的日日夜夜 永远的深陷在人间
( I can only be trapped in the mortal world eternally through the endless day and night)
一个又一个孤单的千年(The millenniums pass one by one)
只能够日日夜夜 然后又日日夜夜 无尽的日日夜夜 (The endless days and nights)
我不能飞(I cannot fly)
justin.
doggone.
You know how in cartoons, pet impounding people are often portrayed as big, bumbling, unfriendly people. There is a reason for all this. It's probably because it's true. Maybe if you had met them off the job, they might have been a nice guy whom you might have had a nice pub chat with. On the job however, the cartoons are 99.8% accurate.
I'm probably biased however, because one of the black Labradors(I think it's a lab at least) was captured by the pound people.(personally I have nothing for yappy little dogs but this one was rather big, jet black and pretty damn quiet) The dog was a welcome presence in our workshop and probably all of the camp. It was by no means harmful or irritating. In fact, it's worst fault was probably being too friendly to the point that it didn't run away when the "bad people" came along. He was so friendly that he would lope around at the shuttle bus stop when people were waiting for the bus and lie around at the sentry post during guard duty. Which made leashing the dog seem extremely cruel.
Ironically, less than 20 minutes ago, I was playing with it at the parade square with a camp mate. It was just bad timing, or I probably would have discussed matters with the "bad people". The way he milked for attention from the people was probably even better than most house trained dogs. When petted, he would automatically roll over on its back and bask in all the attention everyone was showering on him. What made me have my own connection with this dog was when he "led" me and my prowling partner around the camp, stopping and waiting whenever he went too far.
Even though I was 4 storeys high when I saw the thing happen, I swear I could see in his eyes how the dog could not bear to leave this camp, despite all its faults. I mean, it's probably the case since this was the place he has known all his life, where there are people who feed him and play with him. And when he's been caught he's probably going to be put down. Which I feel is a pretty undignified ending for this stray which probably wasn't really a stray per se. He was probably everyone's dog and by taking him away from everyone, the impound people are probably pretty nasty.
This is my own tribute for him and though probably noone else will know and care, I hope that at the time he departs from this life and carries on into the next, he will have fond memories of his life in camp.
justin.
emptiness.
Is when Slam Dunk, which I have been rewatching/re-reading recently comes to an end again. I am not kidding. It's like having withdrawal symptoms from heroin. Not that I've tried heroin, but I've read it many times in countless informative advertisments warning the general public about drug abuse. Now I need some heroin for my Slam Dunk withdrawal.
justin.
oh yeah?
Sometimes, life decides to run a little faster. When that happens, it's probably time to stop running and start driving. If anyone feels that they understand what I just typed, they're probably lying. I myself have no fucking idea what I meant.
justin.
