Logicless Logic

i think. or at least try to.

I think I'm going crazy. Recent blog posts have been rambling and about the boredom of my life. And I was so bored I actually began thinking about my future (before I go on, I predict another very rambling post. Though it's probably intended because this post is my personal thoughts and musings). As of now I actually think that it's rather bleak due to my pessimism of A Level results. For the short term, it's National Service, or going to Taiwan to visit them relatives before actually going into National Service. There's also my Basic Theory Re-test. In fact, there's probably nothing going in the two coming years.

I was flipping through life! today and I read the North Africa reviews of Tunisia and Morocco. Which added to my list of to-go places. These include Europe, which I know is very big, but I'd probably like a backpacking trip to everywhere there, especially to Liverpool, home of LFC and The Beatles. New Zealand, to reminisce about the old times there(I probably sound like some old guy now). My dream for NZ is to gather a few old friends whom I've more or less lost touch with that were my closest friends on that school trip to NZ. Moses, Glen and that's more or less it. Oh and it's where Flight of the Conchords came from. South Africa is also on my list, because I had a chance to go there when I was a kid but I chose Taiwan instead. Not very intelligent. I'd also like to revisit S.Korea and go on that tour to step into N. Korea as well, because that would be a great experience. As well as Japan, where I've never been, but that is mostly to look at pretty girls. Or to Northern Thailand to do some volunteer work. The warm hospitality provided by the people is just touching. The list just goes on.

It's a pretty optimistic list though, because both time and money are needed in extensive amounts. And the only way to get enough money for this is through my parents, whom I don't feel good asking them for. Especially huge amounts. Unless of course this happens to be a family holiday, where I'd be glad to go without guilt. Actually, this led me to think how actually it's not the places you visit on holiday, but the company you go with. Going with the family is the most likely, and it's always great to have a relaxing time with your family on holiday, be it to Pulau Ubin or to a tiny island on the Pacific, where I can cruise around in my Ferrari(dream on). As I was dreaming for the NZ trip, it could be for old friends to catch up with each other, or it could be just an excuse to hang out with your good friends, or even a chance to have 1-on-1 time with your lover(of which right now remains a distant dream more distant than all the long holidays to various parts of the world, my Ferrari and me being a millionaire). And I realise I'm rambling on and on.

On to the even further part of my future required to fulfill these holiday dreams. Work. Many people have already started working, and for a 19 year old, I must be pretty much dependent on my parents for cash, for I have never worked in my life. Even my sister has already flipped through various jobs. As of now, I have never thought about what I want to do in the future, but I believe a small business, which provides enough for food, shelter, bills and my occasional holiday splurge is enough(I must be mad, asking for so much and making it sound like its so little). Despite the fact that the old adage "hard work pays off" is deeply ingrained inside me, I remain lazy enough not to want to get up and make instant noodles when I'm hungry. I'm leaving the short term service to the country to change that.

I sometimes also dream of starting a family, which due to the fact that I haven't even come close to having a girlfriend, is still quite distant. However, I think that having my parents, grandparent and aunt around is a great blessing, and is family enough for the moment. I might call up a mail order bride company and get a mail order bride though.=D

And then my mind winds down the (presumed)lazy lower course of the river(because they actually move quite quickly contrary to my presumptions), I think about death, which is the inevitable. It might come in a few decades, it might come tomorrow. I think, what happens if I die now? Will I leave with regrets? Right now the answers probably yes. I have so many dreams I want to achieve, and I have family I want to be a part of, despite everyone's countless faults. I probably wouldn't want to die now. I'd probably linger if I died and I'd look for Odd Thomas and be his friend. And I'd still be a virgin if I died now. No points for that.

I find some of the above paragraphs rather personal and I now find myself thinking "Did those come from me?" Late night snacks probably do this to a person. And as I trace back from what I've started, I probably never went off track, but I did go through quite a lot of things which aren't linked per se. No wonder the brain is made out of twisty tubes with blood inside. It must be thought carrying blood.

justin.

posted by justin @ 2:54 AM