Logicless Logic

sir obsessed.

Found this on the forums. Hats off to the original author.

SIR OBSESSED

A Psychiatric Hospital
a tree-lined avenue
a wailing ambulance siren
flashing lights of blue

A shrink in white coat waiting
ambulance screams to a halt
A man dragged kicking and screaming
shouting, “It’s all his fault”.

Two male nurses take over
the patient spits and swears
they kick, punch then drag him
up the hospital stairs.

He bites one nurse on the ankle
then spits in the other’s face
“Sedate the dick will yer doctor
he’s a fuckin mental case”

With that the shrink then pounces
with a massive twelve inch syringe
“Please stay still Mr Ferguson
you will not feel a thing”

The needle misses his bare arse
and jabs his hairy pouch
he’s screaming ten minutes later
lying on the shrink’s leather couch

“Okay Mr Ferguson tell me
when did this all begin?
you say that you can hear voices
which come from deep within”

“Aye that’s right that doctor
the voices appear then vanish
I’m starting to hear them in my sleep
and they’re all in fuckin Spanish”

“It feels like a scene from the Omen
I have a recurring dream
but instead of three sixes on my scalp
I have the number 19”

“That’s worrying, Mr Ferguson
your mind seems so confused
that may explain why you chase cars
in just your socks and shoes”

“And according to your missus
when Liverpool win a game
you’ve started driving to Moss side
and using crack cocaine”

“She said when they beat Fulham
you went into a trance
since then you’ve been incontinent
and regularly shit your pants”

“But doctor – it’s Benitez
I cannae psych him out
and things have gone from bad to worse
since that 4-1 rout”.

“Each time I try to spook him
he kills me with his words
that’s why I’ve started butting walls
and eating my own turds”

“He knows I’m egocentric
arrogant and vile
unsporting and conceited
and talk a load of bile”

“Just lie back Mr Ferguson
you’re frothing at the mouth
I’m ordering a straightjacket
to try and sort you out”

“You’re suffering from delusion
born from real fear
Benitez has you running scared
your time is finally near”

“Consider early retirement
his time is coming soon
that’s why you’ve been eating flies
and howling at the moon”

“But Doc you have to cure me
Benitez has got me insane
even when I shit the bed
the stain is the shape of Spain”

“Feels like I’m being tortured
by the Spanish inquisition
I hear his laugh - see his face
whipping me into submission”

“Unfortunately Mr Ferguson
your heading for a fall
Benitez has higher intelligence
your brain is far too small”

“You’re suffering from paranoia
brought about by stress
there’s no medical terminology
apart from you’re obsessed”

“Please doctor what can I do now
Benitez terrifies me
he’s gonna knock me off my perch
him and that Sammy Lee”

“I’m sorry Mr Ferguson
but you have to face the truth
you spit and swear and spew out bile
you really are uncouth”

“Your illness is incurable
I have no doubt of that
there is no cure or remedy
for a thick ungracious twat”

YNWA 96

justin.

posted by justin @ 3:20 AM