Logicless Logic

Dream for sale: $600

I don't really know why I have been doing alot of thinking lately. About what to do with my life and stuff. I think it stemmed from Ronald and Mella helping me to sell my bass, believe it or not. It probably has been one problem(if it can be termed that way) that I have been avoiding ever since I was unceremoniously booted from Decon. Probably due to clash of attitude, my lack of aptitude and a host of other reasons which I shall try to refrain commenting on.

Ever since then, I was wondering what to do with my bass and for the past few months, it has been lying in it's bag, a dream being cast aside, either temporary or permanent. When I commented about selling it, Ronald and Mella helped me to look for buyers. That was when I started thinking about whether I really wanted to sell it. Did I still harbour dreams of having a kickass rock band. When the crucial time came, I decided that sometimes, old dreams have to make way for newer, more practical dreams. Sure, I wanted to play in a rock band. But my aforementioned lack of skill and commitment would probably mean I would be doing a half past six job.

Since I was probably never going dabble into such stuff again, I decided to come clean with myself with a self-reflection and tried to find out what was actually going on before I got my ass kicked. It was surprisingly simple. A chat with Gen Rong, whom I was still on good terms with probably did it. I found out(confirmed actually, since I already had that notion when I got them calls) from him the source of the mysterious phone calls which disturbed my football matches and how the problem is actually because of a very simple matter.

Growing up, and some peoples refusal to do so. Some lack the maturity to live their lives in a dignified manner, choosing to go against the flow foolishly, without considering whether the flow is moving in the right way. "A rebel without a cause" would be the right cliche. Some who might have needlessly thrown away a bright future in one of life's phases. And some who were born with brains but without morals.

The immature mind would probably not understand the meaning of "There is a time for everything". Sometimes, it's not about getting what you want. It's not about doing something because you want to and you think it's cool. It's not about living on the edge, as attractive as it may sound. It's about knowing when to do what and how to go about doing it. And sometimes, it's about sacrifice. Not others but yourself.

Sometimes, along the way, dreams get distorted and people who used to share that common dream drift or even violently split apart. Because, in everyone's eyes, that common dream is perceived differently. Sometimes, the parting may not be on good terms. Sometimes, giving up a dream is like breaking up with a long-time partner or a first love. It hurts. It takes time to accept. But when one eventually accepts it, he grows up a little. He learns that everything moves on. To something greater? That depends on how one conducts himself and how he chooses to handle the matter.

In any case, I have to thank Ronald and Mella for trying to help me sell my bass, though the prospective buyers didn't want it in the end. I am selling my first dream of rock superstardom for $600(price negotiable). And when that happens, an old chapter of my life closes for good.

I guess it is fitting that all this has come so close to New Years Day, where I may usher in a new chapter of my life along with 2007. I have to say that this part of my life as affected my development as a person to some extent. It all soured in the end but I was thankful it happened.

A little more grown up now. And as for my new grown up New Year resolution, I'll blog on New Year's Day. =)

justin.

posted by justin @ 2:07 AM