Logicless Logic

MAJIAM left-foot theory ah…

One day, 5 young men of age 18-19 were sitting at the void deck, talking cock, practicing what they would do about 40 years later. Which is sit at the void deck and talk cock. It was after they had played a game of football.

The conversation was an ego boosting session, where each person talked about their own “achievements”. Nice flicks, nice finishes, good teamwork, good headers etc. Noone was listening and everyone was talking but each person felt good. This was after all a feel good session so it was normal for everyone to feel good.

Then one guy goes “Eh today my left foot goal nice ah. Left foot leh.” Another guy goes “Majiam 1/20 accuracy.” Another guy goes “Wah left foot ah.” And another guy goes “Wah MAJIAM ah.” Another guy is still talking about how he can dribble in a wide open space when noone is marking him and how his long passes are very accurate.

So after leading you through this quite true but meaningless story, what is the left foot theory anyway? It is a theory made up of excuses. It is a theory that allows a win-win situation on whoever uses it. Let’s use football as an example.

Some kid who idolizes Cristiano Ronaldo(diving cunt) is on the left flank. He does an okay imitation of the cunt, stumbling through 3 defenders somehow. The ball ends up in a shooting position but there is no time to take it onto his preferred right foot. So he takes a wild swing with his left foot. The slightest contact is made, the ball rolls 5mm forwards and the kid ends up on his butt. He calls for a foul at first but since noone is within a 5m radius of him, he thick-skinnedly looks back, shrugs and says “left foot”. His teammates look at him with an understanding look, repeatedly hitting his back and saying “It’s ok.” The game goes on….

10minutes later, this same kid is running down the right flank. With a bit of trickery, he feints and shifts the ball to his left foot. The goalkeeper was still sitting down and drinking coffee and reading a copy of last month’s FHM because the ball is on the left foot. Kid smashes the ball with his left foot. Or tries to anyway. He makes better contact. The ball trickles in because the goalkeeper is still ogling at hot bikini girls, trying to coax his brother not to stand up. “GOOAALL!!! LEFT FOOT!!” shouts kid. And they celebrate….

So the left foot theory, all in all, is an excuse of not giving it your all. And thus failure is expected. However, if somehow, failure is avoided, one can use it as a cause for celebration. However, to all natural left footers, it does not apply. You have to come up with your own “right foot theory”. And for Angle-Lo-Komotive, you have to come up with a feet theory. As Darren did say. The conversation would go something like.

Boy 1 “Eh ma de, pass where.”

Boy 2 “Sorry man, I using legs.”

Boy 1 “It’s okay la.”


And then, just for a piece of useless information, it is April Fool’s today. Why couldn’t it be tomorrow? Then I would skip school and tell me teacher it was an April Fool’s joke. Just in case, I would get an MC. And “It’s ok la” actually has some significance for it to appear twice in my post.

As Darren would say “Majiam significance ah…”

And Ah Bia would reply “Majiam ah…”
justin.

posted by justin @ 11:44 PM