Logicless Logic

disgusting descriptions. it does not make for good reading after any form of food consumption.

WARNING: PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVE LOW TOLERANCE FOR EXPLICITLY DISGUSTING THINGS. FOR A MATURE AUDIENCE ONLY. TAKE THE TITLE SERIOUSLY.

today was a fairly normal day at school. other than the fact that i had diarrhoea. in school. now, i'm sure you guys know that diarrhoea is not something very nice. diarrhoea at school is something not very nicer. which means it feels worse than normal. why? because there is no comfort and privacy of your own toilet at home. before i go any further, im sure all of you have had diarrhoea at least once. you know how it feels. you feel the wicked concoction of gas and semi-liquid brewing in your stomach. you feel as if it would all be okay if you could just let out a gigantic fart. BUT. that gigantic fart could turn out to be a gigantic WET fart with stuff-you-don't-want-to-be-in-it in it. therefore, it is a good decision for you to raise your hand and ask for permission to use the toilet.

now, as you trudge to the toilet, you still feel the concoction brewing. thus you take small steps to ensure that it doesnt squirt out by some accident. this is a dillema for me. i dont know whether to take big steps and risk a spill or take small steps but take longer to reach the desired destination. not that it is very much desired anyway. when you reach the desire but actually not very desires place, it is the start of aanother problem. school toilets are okay for doing little business. big business, aka excretion of solid body waste, is another matter. the toilet cubicles are small and have the ability to cause claustrophobia. the toilet seats are not very clean but at least CJC provides toilet paper to clean it. my dear secondary school is such a blood sucker they put tissue paper dispensers where you have to PAY just to get some toilet paper to wipe your behind.

now let's leave the issue of toilet paper behind. once your behind is comfortably[as comfortably as you can get] nestled on the toilet bowl, getting to clear your bowels is not very easy. for me at least. i'm sure everyone knows what it feels like. you're in the cubicle shitting[or at least trying to] but you keep hearing people talking outside the cubicle. you reconsider letting out that whooping fart, though it isn't wrong to do so, and even though it was th best thing to do. when you finally unplug the gap stuffed up your behind and let the river of boiling semi-liquid faeces and noxious flow, the feeling is not nice. imagine a volcano eruption starting from your rectum, flowing through your anus and finally ending up in the toilet bowl, with the "lava" smelling like shit. well, it is shit. also, like a acidic volcano eruption, it bursts out, it burns your behind, and it erupts several times. so you might find yourself nestling on the toilet bowl for about 20 minutes. but it feels like forever. so after forever, you get to use the free toilet paper provided for you to clean up the mess. which isn't bad other than the fact that the toilet paper feels like sandpaper. but i wouldn't complain. its free and its not that bad. but sandpaper is the only rough paper i could think of. after cleaning up, you waddle back to class credit to your sore and burning behind, explaining this ordeal to your teacher[not as explicitly of course].

in this final concluding paragraph, i would like to tell everyone who is about to kill me for making them read this. I DID NOT! take the title and warnings seriously. it is not my fault that you vomited all over your keyboard because you read this. it is due to your own negligence. i accept no responsibility. =)

anyway, in this final final concluding paragraph, i would like to tell everyone something.

REMEMBER TO WASH YOUR HANDS

justin.

posted by justin @ 7:09 PM