Logicless Logic

you know, maybe it's the time of your life.

"One begins to die the moment he is born." - Dean Koontz

So one day I was still half asleep and my mum tells me she's going out. Nothing much about it, so I go back to sleep again, trying to continue my dream which I do not remember about. A period of time (I won't pretend I know how long, I'm trying to sleep right?) later she comes in again and says she's going to Taiwan. I am still half asleep and trying to figure out if it was the same thing slightly different. I say bye and take care and I go back to sleep, having not fully woken up.

Later in the afternoon, when I fully woke up, I decided things weren't quite right. After some asking, I found out my maternal grandfather, just had a stroke and things weren't looking rosy. Now I wouldn't pretend that I was extremely close to him, or that he was my favourite grandparent. He isn't, really. But him being the father of my mother, I'd say I was at least close to him in terms of blood relations. So I thought I'd be able to look at this subject rather objectively.

Earlier this year, a friend of my grandmother passed away. She was 94, which is, quite a ripe old age. Of course, noone would prefer their own friends to die, so naturally, my grandmother was sad, but also accepting, that her friend had passed away peacefully and was a fit old bird until she had passed. At that point in time, I also felt a little sad, as this little old lady was a frequent visitor to our house, and knowing that she'd never come anymore, well that's just a little strange. Then I was worried, about my grandmother, because she's not young anymore, and she's my favourite grandparent. My paternal grandfather passed away long before I was born, so there's less worry for me on that part. But I (selfishly) thought, what would life be, without this old lady I've known and loved for all my life? I couldn't think. Instinctively(and selfishly again), I went to my grandmothers room, woke her up, just to assure myself she was still alive. She was, and I heaved a huge sigh of relief.

Now, for my maternal grandfather, I'm afraid years of being apart and some not too great impressions of him from my family this side of the world has led to a strange distancing and therefore, less of the emotions that one would normally feel. As of today, I haven't yet witnessed the passing of a very close relative, and this grandfather, I'm afraid, could be the first. Which led to another thought.

Most of my friends are celebrating their 21st birthdays this year, like I did (not really) last year. And some of them are seeing grandparents or other relatives pass on. Logically speaking, the age at which people die is around the age the aforementioned relatives are at. So, is this really the time of your life, when you really grow up, and seeing someone close to you go, realise that it's time for your generation to step up and take over? Have you noticed how much older your dad looks? Perhaps it's the time of your life, that requires you to actually do something with it, put in the effort and work harder, if not for yourself, then for your family, to show them that you're grown up, or trying to.

justin.

posted by justin @ 4:15 AM